We like to think we make up our own minds. Social psychology keeps finding that other people, and the stories we tell about them, shape our judgements far more than we notice.
The stories we tell about each other
When someone else messes up, we tend to blame their character: "they're careless". When we mess up, we blame the situation: "the instructions were confusing". Underplaying the situation when judging others is called the fundamental attribution error, and the double standard is the actor–observer bias.
First impressions spread, too. Notice one good trait, such as confidence or good looks, and it colours everything else you think about the person. That's the halo effect.
Changing our own minds to fit
Leon Festinger noticed that holding two clashing ideas, or doing something that goes against your beliefs, feels uncomfortable. He called it cognitive dissonance. Often we ease it by quietly changing the belief. In his classic study, people paid just $1 to tell someone a dull task was fun later rated it as more enjoyable than people paid $20. The $20 group had an excuse; the $1 group had to convince themselves.
Persuasion
Robert Cialdini described principles that make us more likely to say yes. Two you'll see everywhere:
- Reciprocity: a small gift or favour makes us want to return it.
- Social proof: when unsure, we copy others. "Most guests reuse their towels" works better than an environmental appeal on its own.
Sales techniques build on these: the foot-in-the-door (start with a small ask) and the door-in-the-face (start with a big ask that's refused, then make a smaller one).
Groups
Groups can bring out the best and worst in us. Even random, meaningless groups make people favour their own side (in-group bias). People slack off when their effort is hidden (social loafing), and close-knit groups can stop questioning their own plans (groupthink).
Some good news
People notice you less than you think. We overestimate how much others notice our mistakes or appearance: this is the spotlight effect. And if you're confused in a class, others probably are too. Everyone staying quiet because they think they're alone is pluralistic ignorance.
Try it
The cards below cover attribution, dissonance, persuasion and how groups behave.